Death to the 'Catch Up': Is Modern Life Eroding Friendship?

Written By - Harriet Morris ensemble magazine

 As a 33-year-old working mum of a toddler, I find myself thinking about friendship often. Despite my longing for it, there just never seems to be enough time to truly cultivate those connections. The daily grind of work, parenting, and self-care leaves little room for the deep, meandering friendships of our past.

• The Struggle of Catching Up: Aligning schedules with friends has become a near-impossible task. My attempts to "catch up" with one friend, in particular, have felt like trying to crack the Da Vinci Code. The spontaneity of youth is long gone, replaced by meticulous calendar planning. Each attempt ends up being a condensed version of our friendship, squeezed into a coffee date or a hurried phone call.

• The Modern 'Catch Up' Dilemma: TikTok user Bianca Stellin's viral question resonates with many of us: "Have most of your friendships devolved into catch-up friendships?" Our conversations are now limited to life updates, feeling more like interviews than the carefree, laughter-filled exchanges of the past.

• Can We Reclaim True Friendship?: Rhaina Cohen, in her article "What Adults Forget About Friendship," suggests that maintaining a childlike approach to friendship can keep connections ageless. Yet, in reality, the space for such friendships often seems to shrink as our responsibilities expand. As we juggle careers, family, and the countless other demands of adult life, friendships are pushed to the periphery.

• Shifting Priorities: Somewhere along the way, the rules of friendship changed. We grew up, our lives expanded to include new responsibilities, and our friendships were left to adapt—or struggle to survive. As Marissa G. Franco points out, friendships are often placed on the "bottom rung" of relationship hierarchies, overshadowed by romantic and familial bonds.

• The Communication Gap: Modern technology has changed how we interact with our friends. Messaging apps, memes, and sporadic texts have replaced face-to-face interactions, creating room for misinterpretation and shallow connections. This makes it difficult to express deeper feelings or resolve conflicts, leaving emotions to fester.

• Seeking Connection: I was ready for a long-awaited catch-up with my friend, a chance to talk through everything over a glass of wine. But life intervened again, and our meeting never happened. So, here I am, sending this piece as a form of reaching out—a vulnerability that feels like stripping bare.

In the End: While I may be calling for the 'death' of the catch-up, what I’m really trying to say is: I love you, I miss you, I miss us.

The reality is that to build lasting friendships, we must show up, be vulnerable, and fight the urge to hide behind our busy lives. It’s time to make room for those meaningful, soul-nourishing connections once more.

full story - Death to the 'catch up': Is modern life eroding friendship? | Ensemble Magazine